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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22763602">To Love a Boy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fuck It I Love You [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bill Denbrough is a Good Friend, Richie Tozier is a Good Friend, Richie be pining, technically there aren’t any relationships but Richie’s projecting love and shit, this is when they’re 13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 12:09:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,290</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22763602</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Richie Tozier was twelve years old when he realized the world existed to hurt you. To tear you down and keep shoving your head in the dirt and shit every time you tried to force your head back up. And it all started with the death of Georgie Denbrough.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fuck It I Love You [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1636621</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>To Love a Boy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So this is the prologue to the main story I’m writing but I decided to just make it a series cause yeah.</p><p>Title is To Love a Boy by Maya Hawke because I’m gay and can’t think of titles.</p><p>Series title is Fuck It I Love You by Lana Del Rey for the same reason.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Richie Tozier was twelve years old when he realized the world existed to hurt you. To tear you down and keep shoving your head in the dirt and shit every time you tried to force your head back up. And it all started with the death of Georgie Denbrough.</p><p>Richie first heard of Georgie’s death crouched at the bottom of the stairs, trying to hide his body from his parent’s view. Zack Denbrough was not close with either of Richie’s parents, but his wife Sharon was close with Maggie Tozier, so he felt it was necessary to inform her. He would have had Sharon call her friend, but she was currently locked in the bathroom, counting how many sleeping pills it would take for her to never wake up again. Of course, Zack didn’t know this, or else he would be calling the police instead of his wife’s friend. He had assumed that she was grieving in her own way, perhaps examining the body that bore their now deceased son, seeing how he shaped her? Sitting in the bathtub and crying? Women always confused him, so he decided not to dwell on it. Instead, he would bury his own grief and inform their friends that “Yes, our youngest son Georgie passed away yesterday. Tragic accident, we’d rather not go into too many details, I’m sure you understand.”</p><p>The Denbrough’s had kept the whole accident very hush hush, but people had their suspicions and rumors spread. Of course, none of those rumors had managed to reach Richie yet, which is how he found himself glued to the bottom step of their 17 stairs, which he counted on a particularly rainy day, in shock. Strangely, he shed no tears. He just sat there, with the driest face in what he assumed was the existence of bad news. He even got teared up at bad rom coms, so why was his face so dry?</p><p>Too busy contemplating why he couldn’t cry, Richie had forgotten to watch out for his parents. An exclamation of “Richie!” From his mother was enough to snap him back to reality.</p><p>“Oh shit,” he whispered, before tears started to burst from his eyes. That’s where his father found the two of them. With Richie, tears streaming down his face, rubbing his tears and snot into his mother’s nice dress. Wentworth stood there for a bit, because he too, was not very good with women.</p><p>~~~</p><p>They held the funeral a week later, after the Denbroughs had managed to pull themselves together enough to be together in the same room, and talk about their dead son, and look at pictures of their dead son, and have people remember their dead son, and feel sorry for their dead son.</p><p>Bill found the whole situation quite jarring. He had gone from the older brother, to the living brother. Some people, like Henry Bowers, liked to call him the “former older brother”, which usually ended with Bill trying to land a punch onto his face and shut him up for good.</p><p>His one comfort, in the whole fucked-up mess of it all, was Richie. The two of them were as thick as thieves. Richie got him, and Bill didn’t always get Richie, but he got the closest. He wasn’t quite sure that anyone could really get Richie, not even his parents or his future wife. But he was the closest Richie could ever get, and that’s what mattered.</p><p>Bill’s parents were too distracted trying to think of anything else the whole funeral that they didn’t notice when Richie slid into the seat next to Bill. He didn’t say anything, although he didn’t really need to.</p><p>Richie silently slipped his hand into Bill’s.</p><p>When they finished lowering Georgie’s too small casket into the ground and started to throw dirt onto the maple finish, Bill’s tiny body started shaking, wracked with tears. Richie just bit his lip and squeezed Bill’s hand, wishing he could take away some of his pain. That’s what friends are for, right? Richie glanced at his friend, watching his hair catch on the light and shine, the red highlights being picked up by the sun. Richie felt his heart sink. Just friends, that’s all they would ever be.</p><p>~~~</p><p>“I w...wish I had superpowers,” Bill confessed to Richie, turning the page of the comic book they shared. The reception was going on downstairs, but the boys decided it would be best for everyone if they stayed upstairs. That way Bill’s mother wouldn’t burst into tears every time she looked at him, reminded of what Georgie could have looked like if he had lived that long.</p><p>“What kind?” Richie asked, only half paying attention.</p><p>“T-time reversal, healing p-p-p fuck. Healing powers, necrophilia. You know, s-something to bring back Juh-Georgie,” Bill answered.</p><p>“Are you sure you don’t mean necromancy? Unless you want to fuck Georgie’s corpse, but that’s not really a superpower.”</p><p>“F-fuck, yeah that’s it. I’m not as s...smart as you are with these thuh-things.” Bill let out a little laugh and turned the page again. It felt weird to laugh so quickly after Georgie had been buried, Bill admitted to himself, but it felt good to laugh again.</p><p>Richie bit his lip, considering asking Bill something. But what if—? No, he couldn't dwell on that. He decided to man up and ask Bill. It was now or never. “Hey Bill, is there anyone you would be happy to fuck? Like I’m all set with Mrs. K, we fuck all the time and that’s great for us, but is there anyone else you’d be interested in fucking?”</p><p>“That’s a weird fuh-fucking question to ass...ask s...sss FUCK.” Bill rubbed his face in his hands and sighed.</p><p>“Hey buddy, you good there?”</p><p>“N-no, my s-stutter’s getting worse. E-ever since Juh, Juh… he died. But to a...answer your quh-question, I’m not s-sure. S-sorry man.”</p><p>“Hey don’t worry about it dude, we all get stage fright once in a while. Why don’t I give you some examples? Greta Keene?” Richie suggested.</p><p>Bill made a gagging noise and Richie grinned.</p><p>“Good to see you have taste. How about…” Fuck it this was going to happen now or it wasn’t happening at all. “Me?” Bill stared at Richie in surprise. In that split second, Richie leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Bill’s lips. Bill pulled back sharply and Richie felt his heart sink. God fucking damnit, what kind of asshole kisses his best friend at the reception to his brother’s funeral? He was so unbelievably stupid, why did he think for even a second that Bill could like him back?</p><p>Richie jumped to his feet and ran out of Bill’s room as fast as he could, trying not to pound his feet down the stairs and alert the adults that something was wrong. Richie made eye-contact with Greta Keene and he felt his stomach drop. Why couldn’t Bill have just said yes to Greta, then they wouldn’t have had to deal with all of that bullshit. Then Richie could poke fun at Bill for his bad taste and move on.</p><p>Richie reached the front of the house, and he was out the door, bolting down the street. He had nowhere in mind, but his feet seemed to take him somewhere anyways. Slowing down his pace until he stopped, Richie looked off of the Quarry’s cliff and down into the water below. Toeing off his shoes, he sat on the edge and let his feet dangle over. He considered jumping.</p><p>“H-hey, r-room for one muh-more?” Richie turned his head to see Bill, his tie askew and his face flushed red.</p><p>“I guess,” Richie muttered.</p><p>Bill toed off his nice Church shoes that were now scuffed from running and sat next to the other boy. The two of them sat there in silence for a while as Richie kicked his heels against the cliff, watching the pebbles he dislodged fall into the water below. Bill was the first to break the silence.</p><p>“Duh-do you luh-like me? Luh-like in a r-romantic w-way.”</p><p>Richie laughed. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” After a few moments of silence, he sighed. “I’m not sure. I mean, you’re really cute. Like stupid cute.” Bill looked miffed at being called stupid, his face scrunching up. “See!” Richie pointed at Bill’s face. “That kind of stuff! Your face looks really cute when it’s scrunched up in annoyance and all red and stuff, just like—” Richie huffed and stared down at the water.</p><p>“Juh-just like who?” Bill pried. Richie stared at his feet, his face growing redder by the second. Bill gasped in realization. “O-oh my god!”</p><p>“Don’t you fucking dare Bill or I’ll push you off this cliff right now, don’t think I won’t.” Bill let out a giggle—the sort of giggle schoolgirls let out when sharing their crushes behind the slide—and bumped Richie’s shoulder.</p><p>“H-he wuh-would have c-come. E-Eddie, that is. His muh-mom wouldn’t l-let him. Shuh-she thinks it’s muh-my puh-paren’ts fault that Juh-Georgie died.”</p><p>“Well that’s fucking stupid! How the hell were they supposed to stop something like that?” Richie was outraged. From what he had heard, Georgie had his arm torn off! How do you stop something like that from happening?</p><p>“I c-c-could have sss-stopped it. I tuh-told him I wuh-was sick suh-so he l-l-left.” Bill sighed. Unbeknownst to Richie, he also considered jumping. The duty of an older brother is to protect his younger brother. If he couldn’t even do that, what was he for?</p><p>“Did you enjoy the kiss at least?” Richie asked, veering away from Bill’s topic. Bill looked at him quizzically.</p><p>“A-are you a-asking me if I’m a kwuh-queer?”</p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p>“I w-was a bit suh-surprised, b-but I d-d-d-didn’t hate it. S-so I guess thuh-that means I am. Whuh-what about y-you?”</p><p>“You know Big Bill, I think I might be. Is that weird to say? But, sometimes I can look at a pair of tits and think, ‘Yeah’, you know?” Richie looked at his swinging feet and pulled at the pressed seams of his pants.</p><p>“Umm, sh-sure? L-like you wuh-wouldn’t mind kissing a b-boy o-or a g-girl.”</p><p>“Exactly! But I I’m still gonna get called a queer. I dunno, it just sucks sometimes.” After a moment of silence, Bill spoke up.</p><p>“I thuh-think I m-might be the s-same way. Hah-half kwuh-queer, I mean. S-sometimes I j-just… n-never mind.”</p><p>Richie turned to Bill, grinning. “Yeah? Don’t let me stop you, I wanna know what you were going to say!”</p><p>“Shuh-shut your f-f-f-fucking ffface Ruh-Richie.” Bill grinned back at Richie. “Beh-besides, I want t-to nuh-know what y-you were going to s-say.”</p><p>“You don’t mean that Big Bill.”</p><p>“Yeh-yes I do.”</p><p>“You have to absolutely promise not to say anything or I swear to fuck I’ll hunt you down.”</p><p>“Yeh-yeah yeah, whatever. J-just tell m-me.”</p><p>Richie stared at his feet some more, choosing his words carefully which was quite a feat for the usual chatterbox. “It’s Eddie, although I suppose you already knew that. God, he’s so fucking cute. Have you seen those cheeks! Holy fucking moley Big Bill every time I see him it’s like when you look at a hot Playboy magazine but even more. And parts of it are somehow wholesome? I’m not entirely sure how, but sometimes I look at him and I have the sudden urge to get married and have 2.5 kids and a dog and come home every day after a long day of work and have him greet me at the door in a cute apron and I can sweep him off his feet and kiss him while our kids groan in embarrassment. You know?” Finally taking a moment to breathe, Bill didn’t know how he never passed out from lack of oxygen, Richie stared at Bill. “That’s a really weird thing to say, isn’t it?”</p><p>“N-no, it’s r-really c-c-cute. You w-want a nice n-nuclear f-f-family.” Bill stared into the distance dreamily, imagining what his life would be like if his family was still intact.</p><p>“Well, I wouldn’t say nuclear. Probably explosive. Because of how awesome we’d be at sex, am I right Big Bill?” Richie plastered a shit-eating grin on his face and held up his hand for Bill to high-five. Bill stared at the other boy’s hand before Richie realized he was getting nowhere and high-fived his own hand.</p><p>“You snooze you lose Mushmouth.” Bill snorted as Richie grinned at him. “Just think, Trashmouth and Mushmouth take on the world!” Richie made an arcing motion with his hand, placing an imaginary title in the sky for the two boys. Bill imagined a bright and festive title adorned with little dicks and stars. He smiled.</p><p>“Shuh-sure buddy, whuh-whatever you w-want.” Bill turned to Richie and held up his hand. “Trashmouth and Mushmouth?” Richie grinned and slapped his hand, grabbing it and shaking the boy’s hand wildly back and forth.</p><p>“What do you say we jump into this ‘ol lake oh buddy oh pal,” Richie asked, loosening his tie. Bill grinned and nodded his head, already unbuttoning his shirt.</p><p>The two boys stripped as fast as they could, shedding a symbolic snake skin of sorts. They were together. Not romantically, but some deeper connection that went beyond friendship or family or love. They were connected at the hip, dedicated to helping each other. The two grabbed each other’s hands, staring out into the murky water below.</p><p>“Wuh-what do y-you thuh-think is gonna happen a-after this?” Bill stared at Richie, searching for something in his face.</p><p>“I’m not sure Big Bill, but it’s going to be grand, I can tell you that.” The boys smiled at each other one last time, and jumped into a new world.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading my weird thing idk what this is but thanks.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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